Families today are assuming responsibility for the informal care of over 75% of elderly family members, and are often faced with difficult decisions from a bewildering array of choices including alternative living arrangements, financial issues, and multidisciplinary care. In the best of circumstances, this can be a stressful process, and sometimes leads to disagreements, confusion, and conflict at a time when the best intentions of the family are to work together for the needs of a loved and respected aging family member. Often families do not want to admit or acknowledge they have a family dispute, but they all know their interactions are strained and not as comfortable as they may once have been, to whatever degree.

What is Eldercare Facilitated Dialogue & Shared Decision Making?

Eldercare mediation (see above) is about dialogue and decision-making; it can also be referred to as Facilitated Shared Decision-Making. Facilitated Dialogue and Shared Decision Making is an alternative to help families work together meaningfully and productively. With the help of a trained professional mediator facilitator, family members engage in meaningful conversation, share information and perspectives, obtain outside medical and emotional and social evaluations as requested, explore and evaluate options, and develop workable solutions through a process that promotes open and positive communication.

The facilitator is a trained mediator and neutral that does not offer advice, but instead offers structure for a productive conversation. The facilitator believes that each family is unique and knows best what solutions will work for their family as a whole. For families in conflict or simply wanting help through a transition, eldercare facilitated dialogue and shared decision-making offers a process that can reduce stress for a family, including the elderly parent, and prevent a crisis. It can also reduce stress and conflict between the family and other care providers such as hospitals, nursing homes, and assisted living facility staff.

The process is flexible yet durable. Not only might the outcomes include decisions about living location, personal and medical care responsibilities, property and asset management, appropriate compensation for care, emergency communication plans for families, and plans for ongoing communication of family members, but they may also include decisions and plans for quality of living such as how to stay in contact with friends, church members, pets, hobbies, children, and even a spouse living in a separate facility.

For example, Ms. S. found herself in a difficult situation. Her 74 year old mother, living out of state, was recovering from a broken hip, but was not yet able to return to her own home. Ms. S. was working split shifts as a nurse and living in a rather small second floor apartment. She and her sister talked occasionally but had not been close for years. Her brother, recently divorced, was struggling himself and did not think he could offer much help. They had decisions to make, but discussion began to escalate into arguments. The family agreed to try mediation with a mediator of Louise Phipps Senft & Associates/Baltimore Mediation and came together to create a plan that would provide the needed care for their mother with the resources and time each of them could offer. As is often the case in mediation, they became quite creative in their approaches and developed a solution that not only achieved their goal of providing the best care they could for their mother, with resources provided as each was able, but also brought them closer together as a family in the process.

Who Can Be Involved in Eldercare Facilitated Dialogue and Shared Decision Making?

Anyone who has an important stake in the decisions being made – the older person, a spouse, sisters, brothers, sons and daughters, care facilities, physicians, mental health providers, or just the family. If there is a problem because of geographical distance, teleconferencing can be arranged so that the process is truly shared decision-making. For families who make the commitment to work collaboratively, the road that seems paved with stones is often found to be smoother.

Family Facilitators of Louise Phipps Senft & Associates/Baltimore Mediation believe in Better Process…Better Outcome.

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Most families with children face numerous conflicts, whether during the teen years, relating to role changes in the family, because of job changes, because of school changes, because of serious illness and the attendant financial and role changes related to that, or because of any of a number of life’s stresses. Many families are able to work through the daily or routine conflicts on their own. However, when those conflicts are more serious or longer lasting, regardless of whether the family can or cannot work through the situation on their own, many families have found that setting up a meeting with a neutral mediator facilitator who assists the family in quality dialogue can be extremely beneficial.

By bringing in a neutral mediator facilitator, everyone involved can benefit from the presence of a neutral third party, who has the capability of slowing down interaction to help the family interact with greater sensitivity. This enables a family to better understand a situation from all perspectives, so they can explore various possibilities and make informed decisions that work for their particular family and situation. Another frequent outcome is that the process often times strengthens the bond within a family.

These meetings often last a few hours, and can generally be concluded in one session or two. If need be, the family can set up additional meetings to reach their resolution goals. In addition to high satisfaction with the process for all participants, families also welcome the privacy and brevity of this approach.

Family Mediators and Facilitators of Louise Phipps Senft & Associates/Baltimore Mediation believe in families and believe in Better Process…Better Outcome.

Testimonial:

“Thank you so much, Louise. You did a terrific job–I think, without question, you genuinely elevated the level of deliberation and kept us on course. Not easily accomplished with a group vulnerable to meandering. Your able guidance allowed me to adopt a lower profile during that part of the meeting, which was important.” – Richard de Wyngaert, The Lumpkin Family Foundation President

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Baltimore family mediation, facilitated family meetings, and family property mediation are often referred to as Family Conferencing, which can be extremely beneficial when multiple people in a family are involved in a serious situation where a decision must be made. Family Conferencing offers a process that can reduce stress for a family, including those most closely affected by the conflict or by the decisions. Family Conferencing can also prevent further alienation from each other, further suspicion or worst case thinking, and also other problems or crisis. It can reduce stress and conflict between the family and others outside the family, such as colleagues in the work place, where unresolved family conflict often spills over. Family Conferencing can also include extended family members who are either in a conflict about something important, or simply want help through a transition. Most importantly, Family Conferencing is about quality dialogue and interaction, which promotes and is the foundation for quality decision making among family members. It is a private alternative to help families work together meaningfully and productively.

With the help of a trained professional mediator facilitator, family members engage in meaningful conversation, share information and perspectives, obtain outside information as needed or requested, explore and evaluate options, and develop workable solutions through a process that promotes open and positive communication. The mediator facilitator is a neutral that does not offer advice, instead but offers structure for a productive conversation. The facilitator believes that each family is unique, and knows best what solutions will work for their family as a whole. Outcomes can include better communication, unlocked misperceptions and understandings, decisions about finances, living location, school decisions, personal and care responsibilities, property and asset use and management, clarification of family standards, ongoing communication plans, and best use of other resources.

Family Conference Facilitators of Louise Phipps Senft & Associates/Baltimore Mediation believe in Better Process…Better Outcome.

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Families who own substantial assets or who own a family business often have the need to collaborate and plan together to preserve and grow their assets and/or their business for the next generation. They do not necessarily have conflicts with each other, but rather they simply recognize that with more than two family members, the likelihood of having a more meaningful and productive family meetings is much higher when a third party neutral is present to facilitate.

The benefit of a competent facilitator is in helping convene the family, creating the structure for a meaningful agenda and facilitating the meeting in a support role or in a leadership role. The facilitator’s role is to ensure the opportunity for quality dialogue and questioning, the exploration of various ideas, the opportunity for quality decision making both strategically and collaboratively, and the opportunity to discuss sensitive or difficult situations as they may arise, from time to time. Families who have substantial wealth or a family business welcome the role of the neutral facilitator, who is also experienced in such family and financial matters and conflicts. The use of a neutral facilitator helps to preserve important family relationships and to make smart business decisions.

The family may also choose to have others present at the facilitated meetings, including wealth advisors or family business or trust and estate attorneys. These resources too welcome the role of the neutral facilitator who helps to ensure that everyone has spoken and has understood information and options, which are discussed.

Family Business Mediators and Facilitators of Louise Phipps Senft & Associates/Baltimore Mediation believe in Better Process…Better Outcome.

Testimonial:

“For the very first time in my life, I genuinely feel that someone listened to me and was able to help me convey my feelings to my father. I still don’t know if he really “gets it”, but at least I feel that my concerns were made clear. Louise really understood my position in the family and listened and processed what I was saying. She did a great job of helping me convey my feelings to my father. It’s also a huge benefit to have the agenda and summary in writing so that there are no excuses for either one of us to make.

Thanks so much! You should all be proud of your work.” – Anonymous, Financial Investment Family Business

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